Whether or not you believe in the possibility of life after death, you know for a fact that there is life after divorce! What do YOU want your new life to look like?
When you’re in survival mode, trying to cope with all of the changes that divorce brings, and simply trying to make ends meet, you don’t have the energy to think about the big picture. Yes, you need to be responsible, pay the bills, and create a safe home for you and your kids, but don’t let the stress of your current situation keep you from dreaming big! When big events happen in life, all of the changes and uncertainty can be overwhelming. But you’re also in a place where you can be open to a lot of possibilities, from new interests, new relationships, or even a new career.
First take a deep breath and look around
The next time you have an hour or two for yourself (maybe when the kids are spending time with their other parent), take a moment to think about what you want to get out of this experience. If a friend you cared about was going through what you are going through now, what would you wish for them? Don’t forget to treat yourself with the same kindness!
You might want to write down your goals or even set a divorce mission statement, to guide how you act and react during this time. Dream big, and then figure out the small steps you need to take to make each piece happen. It may seem daunting, but when you look in a new direction, you naturally start walking that way. So… where do you want to go?
Take small steps
Small victories can be big motivators. If you’ve got a big task ahead, start by giving yourself a few small wins to get inspired. You might start by listing one or two small changes you’d like to make in several areas of your life: your home, relationship with your kids and ex, or your job. For example, you might want to move out of the dingy apartment you’re stuck in, but you can’t afford anything better right now. Are there any small changes you can make that would make a difference? Even something as minor as unpacking and throwing out stacks of moving boxes might help you feel more settled. Sometimes you’ll find that you need to tackle the small stuff before you’re ready to move on to the bigger issues. But it can feel great to get those little things out of the way!
Take time to grieve
If you are still feeling stuck, discouraged, and unmotivated… that’s completely normal. Coping with the end of a relationship can feel a lot like the death of a loved one. You may even experience the five stages of grief. Recognize your emotions for what they are, and take some time to wallow in self-pity when you need to! But ultimately, letting yourself grieve is part of the process of moving forward, not just about looking back.
Make a fresh start
Actually, one of the best ways to move forward might begin by looking backwards—before you got married. Do you have any hobbies, sports, or other activities that you drifted away from? Maybe the time is right to reconnect with something you used to love to do, or to try something you always wanted to do. Sign up for a community education class and see where it leads you.
Get a good team on your side
Adjusting from married to happily single might take some time, and it helps to have a strong support group of friends and family. If you haven’t already, you might also want to talk to a therapist or attend a support group. Even if you think you can’t afford counseling, you’ll probably find resources available in your community.
Don’t forget the key player on your support team—an expert family law attorney! Make an appointment today to meet with Southern California’s best divorce attorneys at Kendall & Gkikas, LLP. Contact us by calling 909-482-1422 or emailing info@parents4children.com.
