Lots of expectant parents worry about how their marriage will hold up against one of the biggest tests of all—adding a new baby to the mix. While both partners are usually incredibly excited for the new baby to arrive, there can be some concerns about the changing dynamics in a marriage as a result of the newborn’s arrival. Here are some common concerns and helpful tips to keep your marriage afloat during this momentous time:
Constant criticism
When you’re suddenly in charge of someone else’s life 24/7, it can be tempting to be a little harsh with your partner. Especially after many nights of interrupted sleep, which seriously messes with your brain chemistry and your entire sense of wellbeing, it can be hard to be loving and patient with your partner.
But it’s important to try to maintain the balance in your relationship by offering little words of appreciation to your partner. Remember that he or she is your teammate while taking care of the baby, and it only takes a moment or two to give him or her a hug or say “thanks for changing the baby’s diaper.” Little words of affirmation will make a tremendous difference in the health of your relationship with your spouse.
Shirking duties
As modern marriages continue to evolve, many partners expect their spouses to take up a fair share of housework and childrearing. While moms in generations past expected to fulfill almost all housework and childrearing duties, dads are now expected to step it up and equally contribute, especially if the mom works outside the home.
Consider getting on the same page with your partner before the baby’s due date by discussing expectations and dividing up duties. For example, perhaps dad can be in charge of night feedings of the baby on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, and mom can do them Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. If the mom is breastfeeding, perhaps the dad can help fulfill his fair share another way—by handling all of the dishwashing and laundry, perhaps.
Talking about expectations and dividing up baby care and household tasks ahead of time can really help your marriage stay afloat.
Your mental referee is always raising red flags
While it’s great to develop a game plan about dividing up housework and childcare, try to not get caught up in keeping score all the time. Marriage isn’t about each partner contributing 50%—it’s about both partners giving 100% selflessly to their partner and child.
Try to keep things in perspective, know that this highly intense newborn phase will pass in a few months, and your marriage will more than likely adjust to your new family size.
What if my marriage isn’t adjusting?
However, if things seems to be getting progressively worse with your partner, even after the newborn phase ends, you might be inclined to consider your options. Why don’t you schedule an appointment at Kendall Gkikas & Mitchell to discuss your situation with one of our highly qualified, compassionate attorneys? He or she will inform you of all your options—not just divorce—and help you think through what’s best for you without pushing you to start any legal procedures before you’re ready.
Call 909-482-1422 to schedule an appointment at Kendall Gkikas & Mitchell today.
