No matter what, your life is going to be changed by the divorce. But you can take this opportunity to make good changes in your life. Regardless of whether you were the spouse that initiated the divorce, or it seemed to come out of nowhere, you can make this ending into a positive new beginning.
We’re not going to sugar-coat it—the end of your marriage is the end of something hugely important in your life. It’s going to be tough to deal with the emotional, financial, and legal aspects of this change.
Attitude isn’t everything in life, but a positive approach can make a big difference when times are tough. So if you are facing a divorce as the new year begins, take the time to make sure you are approaching it the right way.
Finding your new path in life
As with any major transition, figuring out your new path can be painful and confusing. But keep in mind that you are transitioning to something new, and possibly even better. Think about your friends or relatives who have been divorced a long time, but seem to be in a good place in their lives now. You might find it helpful to talk to someone you respect about how they were able to rebuild their lives. Ask them questions about how they made a fresh start, and what lessons they learned along the way.
Using the past to move forward
It is completely natural to look at your marriage and to think a lot about the past. But if you are having a difficult time letting go of the past and moving forward with your life, it might be helpful to look even further back, to before you were married or even in a relationship with your spouse. Who were you back then? What was important to you? What did you want to do with your life? Don’t be too hard on yourself—whether that was five years ago, fifteen, or fifty, a lot will have changed since then (and it would have, regardless of whether you had decided to marry your spouse or not).
Meet someone new: Yourself
Looking at who you were before your marriage might help you reconnect with what still matters to now, and how you want to go forward from here. Obviously, if you have children and responsibilities, you probably don’t want to quit your job and pursue your dream of being a rock star, like you wanted to do at 21. But maybe you can find small ways to bring music into your life, to help you de-stress. You’ve heard plenty of times that you can’t take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself. That’s one reason why divorce can have positive effects on you and your family—if you are happier, the people around you will be less stressed, and happier too.
Second time around
If this is not your first divorce, it can be especially frustrating to feel like you’re right back where you started. But don’t get discouraged. You aren’t the same person you were back then, and you’ve learned a lot along the way.
Happy New Year? Yes, really.
Divorce can be a long and difficult legal process, and the transition is going to be difficult for you and your family. But it IS possible to come through it stronger, wiser, and happier. It might not seem like it now, but in spite of all the tears and the pain, you are going to have a lot of good moments, too.
If you have been thinking about divorce, or have been served with divorce papers, come talk to us. Call 909-482-1422 or email info@parents4children.com to set up your initial consultation today.
