Following These 5 Tips Will Help The Shared Custody Experience Go As Smoothly as Possible.
Winning joint physical custody of your children following a divorce or separation from your partner is just half of the battle. You still have to figure out how to actually make joint custody work for you, your ex, and your kids. Here are some helpful tips for making the day to day experience of shared custody as stress-free as possible for your children.
1. Put the Kids First. All too often, parents with shared custody agreements become obsessed with securing their full and fair share of time with their children at any cost. For example, they might insist on always having the kids on “their days” even if this would prevent the kids from enjoying a friend’s party or other special activity. Be willing to make exceptions to the custody arrangement when it is in the best interests of the children.
2. Don’t Badmouth Your Ex. Your time with your children should be about nurturing your relationship with them, not rehashing your failed relationship with your ex. Avoid needlessly criticizing or badmouthing your ex, as this can color your children’s perception of them and harm that relationship. Having a good relationship with both parents is very beneficial for child development.
3. Change the Schedule as the Kids Age. You might think that shuttling between two different households is always disruptive for kids. In reality, child development experts believe that toddlers and younger children actually benefit from frequent transitions because it allows them to see both parents regularly. As kids grow up, increasing academic, extracurricular, and social pressures tend to make less frequent transitions desirable.
4. Keep the Homes Consistent. If you and your ex are on the same page about discipline, food choices, allowance, chores, etc., the transition from one parent’s home to the other will be much smoother for your children. It will help prevent young children from becoming confused about the rules and older children from trying to play one parent off of the other to get their own way.
5. Communicate. Good communication is extremely important for making shared custody work. You need to have open lines of communication with your ex for objectively considering and resolving scheduling issues, disciplinary measures, health issues, and more. You also need to make sure your child feels that their voice is being heard in the process. Remember, taking a custody issue to court can be costly and time-consuming, and ultimately may not result in a decision that anyone really likes. It is much better to work things out on your own whenever possible.
