Researchers have found that many couples with these 5 habits are still very much in love after decades of marriage.
In some ways, the prevalence of divorce in American culture can be seen as a good thing. With it relatively easy to escape bad marriages through divorce, the marriages that remain seem more likely to be strong.
According to a 2012 study from the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science, 40 percent of couples reported being “very intensely in love” after 10 years of marriage. The figures were about the same in a sample of couples who had been married for 30 years or more, with 35 percent of men and 40 percent of women reporting that they were still very much in love. Science backs up their claims—in another study, neuroscientists compared brain scans of couples who had been married for decades and couples who had just fallen in love, and found very similar brain activity suggesting that the feeling of being “in love” can be preserved long after the honeymoon is over.
Of course, not all married couples would describe themselves as “in love.” Feelings of companionship and friendship can also form a strong base for lasting marriage. So what is the difference between the friendly marriages and the passionate ones? These 5 habits:
Love Blindness
Perhaps the most important habit for preserving that early feeling of being in love is a sense of “love blindness,” or the ability to idealize one’s partner and see them as the funniest, most attractive, most caring, or otherwise “best” person in the room.
New Activities
Couples who make a habit of trying new, stimulating activities together also tend to have happier marriages. Experts believe that the feeling of excitement that comes from something new can be transferred to one’s partner if the activity is done together, giving a marriage that all-important spark.
Independence
Neediness, clinginess, or constant caretaking can be real turnoffs. However, when someone sees their partner engaging and exceling in their own individual activities outside the home, they get a shift of perspective and can appreciate their partner anew through the eyes of others.
Passion for Life
People who still feel in love with each other after decades of marriage are often also in love with life. Their passion and excitement for all that life has to offer naturally transfers to their partner.
Self-Actualization
One final habit of happy, passionate marriages is that the partnership is seen not as a matter of convenience or comfort but as a means of self-actualization. These couples work hard on their marriages and are willing to devote more of their resources towards growing as a couple.
No Longer In Love?
Of course, just because you wouldn’t describe yourself as “very intensely in love” doesn’t necessarily mean you need a divorce. Ultimately the means of defining your relationships and your family structure is up to you, though the law does also need to be considered. Don’t hesitate to contact an expert divorce attorney for advice if you ever have questions about your options for divorce or separation
