How your child is going to respond to the fact that his or her parents are getting divorced will depend largely on the age of your child. While a baby or toddler wouldn’t understand at all, and a teenager may be too absorbed in their own life to be concerned about it, a younger child may not understand the concept. They are likely to have a lot of questions and we suggest you get ready to answer them.
Be mindful of your tone
When you initially approach the topic of divorce with your child, make sure that you’re being mindful of your tone. It should match their age and their maturity. If you have more than one child and they are more than a few years apart in age, then we recommend talking them separately so that you can have a discussion that’s age appropriate.
Part of that conversation should be to let them know it’s okay to ask questions. You should be prepared that some or many of those questions are seemingly selfish. Remember that at their age, they’re experiencing the divorce from their own perspective and don’t have the maturity to understand how it will affect others.
You don’t have to have answers but you should be prepared for the questions
At Kendall Gkikas & Mitchell, we recommend that you talk to a divorce attorney before you talk to the children. We likely won’t get to every question they’ll have, but it’s wise to have some idea of how the divorce and custody is going to go before you talk to your child. Otherwise, you’re just giving them the idea of a big change without all the solutions you’ll eventually provide.
Here are some of the most commonly asked questions we typically see children ask:
- Where will I live?
- Will I live in a smaller house?
- Why are you getting divorced?
- Who will I Live with?
- Is it my fault that you’re getting divorced?
- Where is mom going to live?
- Where is dad going to live?
- Is dad moving away from us?
- Will I have to go to a different school?
As we said, you don’t have to have an answer to all of these questions, but you should know how you anticipate custody going, or where each of you will live.
Your divorce doesn’t have to be a negative experience for your child
While divorce is typically portrayed in TV and movies as a hugely negative thing, and it may come along with serious feelings for you, it doesn’t have to be a negative experience for your child. The goal is to work together with your spouse to find the right solutions for your child – not necessary for each other. Assuming there’s no domestic violence or child abuse, both parents would ideally still be actively involved in the child’s life.
If you’re getting divorced and want to make it as amicable as possible then we encourage you to reach out to Kendall Gkikas & Mitchell at 909-482-1422. We can work with you to find the best way forward for you and your child. Our top priority is always the children and we are here to offer the legal guidance you need.
