Tips for making shared custody work over the holidays.
The holidays are supposed to be a time of peace and joy, but unfortunately for many people the season gets spoiled by family discord. Even in families that get along well, managing the conflicting schedules of parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles and cousins can be a significant source of stress. It may seem all but impossible to find a time and day to get together that works for everyone. This problem only grows worse when a couple in the extended family is going through or has recently completed a divorce. However, there is hope for a happy and harmonious holiday. Here are some tips to help you achieve it.
Understand Your Custody & Visitation Orders
First of all, it is important for all family members to understand how the divorcing spouses have divided up the time with their kids, and avoid pressuring them to change the arrangement or make last minute long-distance travel plans that would require both parents’ approval. For example, the dad’s parents should make plans to see their grandkids during the time when the dad has custody, rather than trying to encroach on mom’s time. Extended family should be supportive of the new arrangements even if it means that they won’t see the kids on day they are accustomed to.
Put the Kids First
While every parent (and grandparent) no doubt loves having their own special time with their kids, it is important to remember that the kids’ interests should come before your own needs. If you have an amicable relationship with your ex, it might be best to celebrate the holiday together rather than having two separate celebrations. If you can get along in a civil manner for just one day or even one hour and this would promote a better experience for your kids, you should make the effort to do so rather than selfishly pursuing your own separate event.
Make New Traditions
If divorced parents live far from one another, it may not be possible to split up the holiday. Instead, parents might need to trade holidays each year, perhaps with one parent getting Christmas and the other getting summer vacation on an alternating basis. If you find yourself in this situation, you may need to find a new tradition to fill the void created by the thought of a holiday without your kids. Some possibilities include volunteering at a local shelter, soup kitchen, or retirement home.
Plan Ahead for Next Year
One final tip for surviving the holidays after divorce is to plan things out as far in advance as possible. This helps both kids and adults manage their expectations for the holiday and also helps to prevent accidental hurt feelings. This holiday season, take careful note of how your holiday child custody plan works out and use this experience to make next year’s holiday even better.
